Whew! I just found my dead dog.
Let me explain.
While packing up my home of twenty years for a "downsizing" move
(well, Banker calls it downsizing, I call it chaos.) I panicked
because I couldn't find the little tin that holds the ashes of my
dog, Bummer. I know, I know ... I can't believe I kept it either -
but that's another
story.
Anyway, I just found it, safe, at the bottom of a closet. I moved the
tin to a box that I'll hand-carry to our new home. But I'm thinking
of all the memories I can't carry with me ... all the ones I'm
leaving behind: The pencil marks on the kitchen wall where I noted
every inch The Boy grew. His hand prints in the cement patio. The
open space area behind our house where we watch the deer - even the
"old man" with the limp. Will he return next year?
These memories, and so many more, led to thoughts of TTP - only a few
short weeks ago I was laughing and creating wonderful experiences
with good friends. And though I was able to carry many memories with
me, I had to leave people I love thousands of miles behind.
This is a lousy system. I want a holodeck that can recreate our old
home when the mood strikes me. I want a transporter room that can
whisk my friends here in the blink of an eye. I want a Roarke of my
own - ooops - that's another
story, too. My feeble mind
wanders so nowadays. Lol.
I am proud to say that even in the midst of all this chaos I finished
Sue's ADWOFF assignment. <SIGH> Anyone notice how our Sue is
ALWAYS giving assignments? Actually, I did most of my writing within
48 hours of coming home from TTP. Now, as I read it over again I
can't quite believe that so much time has passed. Some of the
memories are so fresh I can still hear the sound of BB/N's laughing
and singing. Here's what I wrote weeks ago ...
********
Another assignment. Grrrrrr. What is Sue thinking? My tender feelings
are much too raw from the memories of three weeks on the road, I'm
KNOT gonna do it. Wait ... I'm thinking writing is good for the soul,
so I'll split my musings into two parts. I'll incorporate what I
wrote down when I arrived home last night and then add what I wrote
this morning, well-rested and not nearly as sad (lol, don't I lie
well?) I've discovered that my short term memory is sorely in need of
a rehaul. If anyone is left out, PLEASE don't be upset - the memory
is the first thing to go on a perimenopausal, nearly 50 year-old-Wym.
;-) So here goes ... what I wrote this morning - 7/13/99, 8:30 A.M.
PST, though in my head it's 10:30 A.M. EST (no wonder I'm
starving!!)
What I'll
remember:
Josh's little orange napkins - Mazel Tov, Phyllis! Lloyd the
bartender's desire to keep Baby Ruth happy with "Sex On The Beach."
(though I'm sure Bob would be happy to keep Ruth happy with sex -
ANYWHERE!) Florida Tracey's excitement and delight at her first TTP.
"Really" meeting the Two Jeans for the first time and sharing medical
information. Lol. The laughter of the Jersey Broads and finding out
Edith loves purple, too! The Precious Board Brats - who will, no
doubt, absolutely HATE being referred to as precious, so let me
change that to BALLSY! Wysh we'd had more time. Judy's well-written
musical Ode to Nora (and hubby Brian's resigned smile to being called
Bob!!) Katie who FINALLY got that damn degree and will now have to
find a new tag line under her name. Di and her *%&$@^* cameras!
Gerri's perfect directions to Barnwood Books. Putting Elaine's voice
and smile with her name - at last! Monica & shy Christine (ya did
good, kid!) who drove all the way from Alabama. The NY lurkers and
their "bond with the bartender." Pam's smile and laugh. My vague
recollection of saying, "Hi. I don't drink well!" and discovering
that vodka with anything sweet could be my downfall. The lovely
"parting gifts" people brought to give out to each and every one of
us. Carolyn's sister-in-law who looks more like her twin than her
twin! Nora graciousness - hey, it's hard not to cringe when we sing
out loud. ;-) Hope you all had as good a time as me. Hope you renewed
old friendships and formed new ones. May the laughter we shared
sustain you throughout the year.
And here's what I wrote last
night (7/12) about my treasured friends of three years ...
I'm home. Safe. And still sad. I thought I'd complete Sue's ADWOFF
assignment. Maybe, if I write things down, it will make me feel a
little less sad (rofl)
What I'll remember:
So much more than I can put on paper. The throaty, joyous sound of
Sue's laughter and the way her eyes sparkle when she's out among all
the BB/N's. Semper Di's Magic Bag and her Dew. Having our palms read
in Harpers Ferry. NancyO's radiant smile and her dreams about
showers. Learning to count on Di's good naturedness even when she's
going the wrong way. What happened to that Shy Di from TTP 1? Lol.
The way Lisa and Keith touch each other whether people are watching
or not. Carolyn yelling at Ranger the puppy - "No! Stay! ... yeah,
right! ;-) Tracey's poor widdle leg and her bath toys and her tipsy
laughing tale of how it all happened. Tracey's "books" of questions -
oh, the things we discovered about each other. How Tracey can still
be cute with tears in her eyes. Just Tracey. Our true love and
concern for each other, of wanting each other to be happy, and
searching for ways to make that so. My silent, private good-nights to
my absent roomy of two years, SnowyBear who was with me in spirit
every second. The ebullient energy that pours from the essence that
is Jaci even if life is pissing her off. My first taste of crab soup
(yummm) Nancy who still never takes a bad picture and looks superb in
red and her big heart and nurturing soul, her tiny goodbye kiss on my
head (the kind my Mommy used to give when my head was still on the
pillow) and my sleepy words to her at 5:10 this morning - "Don't
throw up in the flight simulator, NancyD." The hollow sound of the
door clicking closed. The silent tears that followed.
You are my heart. The very best of who I am, who I want most to be.
Thank you for sharing yourselves these past days. Thank you for
staying part of my life. Thank you, most especially, for the laughter
- the true magic in our universe.
Wym
who doesn't feel all that much better dammit! I think I need a drink
... one Wallabee Darned comin' up!
*******
Wyzdom for this month, dear BB/N's? Hold fast to your memories, but
faster to those you love. Friendships must be nourished - make them a
priority. And stay put! Don't ever move if you can help it. But if
it's inevitable, I seem to have some boxes to share ...
Kysses,
Wym
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