In response to the many many letters I've received asking, "Just who is Bookie Von Broad?", it is with extreme pleasure that I present an in depth interview with the Elusive One. Yes, I got up close and personal with the woman no one can hide from. For your reading pleasure, I present ...
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Wymzee: Bookie, it's so nice to see you again. How are you?
Bookie: Bookie is always wonderful and thanks you very much for inquiring. It's nice to see you again, also. How is that Boy of yours? Almost 24 isn't he? Is he home today?
Wymzee: Uh, no. But The Boy is well, thank you. So, Bookie, our readers would love to know everything they can about the woman who brings the best of gossip to the world and Adwoff. Tell us about your roots?
Bookie: Roots? ROOTS?! Bookie never discusses her roots. Why, Bookie is naturally blonde. This interview is not getting off to a very good start, Missy.
Wymzee: I meant your early background, Bookie. For instance, where were you born?
Bookie: Oh. Bookie knew that. She was just playing with you. Well ... I am a direct descendant of the Bavarian Von Broads who settled in Kentucky some 300 years ago. We Von Broads were the very first inhabitants of Possum Trot, now the cultural mecca of the world. But your lovely readers mustn't breathe a word of that. The mayor of Possum Trot, Bookie's uncle, Bubba Von Broad, would never forgive his favorite niece for letting out the secret that Possum Trot is the newest "in" spot in the world.
Wymzee: I think I can safely say that the secret of Possum Trot is safe with us, Bookie. Do you come from a large family?
Bookie: Oh, my, yes. Bookie has 6 sisters, all older naturally. There's Barbara, Betty, Beatrice, Belinda, Binky, and Brunnhilde. And I have one brother ... Vern ... we never discuss him.
Wymzee: I'll honor that request. Can you tell us something about your marriages?
Bookie: <sniffsniff> Bookie gets all emotional talking about any of her 3 husbands as each was taken from her so tragically. Husband #1 was dear, dear Fred. Ah, poor Fred. Poor dead Fred. He found me right in Possum Trot. I was working at the racetrack at the time. Fred arrived with cousin Baxter who introduced us by whispering, "Hey, Bookie - gimme $10 down on Hot-to-Trot in the 3rd. Fred wants some of the action, too." It was love at first sight <sigh> I made sure Fred got all the action. Such memories. Bookie married Fred as soon as, I mean, shortly after he won the million dollar purse in the daily double on my 17th birthday. Unfortunately, six months later there was a slight problem with the brake line in his ‘67 Ford Fury and he never made that curve around the tricky Possum Trot Trail. Bookie was heartbroken and went on a cruise to heal. It's where she met husband #2, at sea. It was kismet. Eustace was much older than Bookie. An oil baron from the great state of Texas. He was on the cruise with his loyal male nurse Sven. Why, he'd have Sven open doors for Bookie, send flowers to Bookie, dance with Bookie. Why, one night Bookie had a terrible nightmare and Sven came in to comfort Bookie. Wasn't that kind of my Eustace? The captain of the ship was happy to marry Eustace and Bookie after only three days at sea. What bliss. And Sven made such a dashing best man. Almost as dashing as Eustace's lawyer, who was also on board, which expedited things when Eustace passed away so suddenly. Who knew those nitroglycerin tablets were the same color and size as Equal? Thank goodness for Sven. He saved my sanity. My handsome, strong, virile Sven. Oh, I remember the size and feel of those hands, those feet. HUGE they were. He offered to marry me immediately so I wouldn't be alone. And we lead a carefree life on the Riviera, dancing' til dawn, gambling at the casinos, making love on the beaches. Only four months together and my Sven was taken from me. Who knew my beloved was allergic to oysters? I could have sworn he said the allergy was to olives. Those "O" words have always been so confusing to Bookie.
Now Bookie sticks to casual affairs. They don't involve lawyers or messy Grand Juries. Of course, rumors abound. If you've heard anything about Bookie and Pat Gaffney's wonderful husband, Jon, ignore them, dahling. Jon and Bookie are just friends. The fact that he smiles so much more now is pure coincidence. Did you say your Boy was due home soon?
Wymzee: No, I didn't. Bookie, let's move to a subject less painful for you. You have such a lovely home, filled with so many lovely things.
Bookie: Gifts, my dearest. All gifts from loving fans and friends.
Wymzee: My goodness. Do you have a favorite? Some bauble above the rest?
Bookie: Why? Are you buying Bookie something? To be perfectly honest (and when am I anything but that?), Bookie loves gifts from the heart ... the heart of the mine <gigglegiggle> All things that glitter. Gold, silver, platinum, oh my. And things to play with like yachts, Lear jets. Or vacations in Switzerland, designer clothes (size 6, please) All are appropriate ways to show affection to Bookie.
Wymzee: I'll try and remember. Do you have a best friend, Bookie? Someone you confide in?
Bookie: Bookie has scores of friends, but she holds Nora Roberts above all the rest. Or maybe Bookie should say that Bookie is Nora's best friend. Who do you think introduced Nora to Armani? And you know, confidentially, it was Bookie who told Nora she needed to start writing. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. All that snow and the boys running round and round the house. We'd just finished that stunning macramé plant holder. The rest is history.
Wymzee: Yes, uh, thanks, for sharing that unknown piece of information, I think. Bookie, what delights you? Scares you?
Bookie: What delights, Bookie? Dahling, puleeze, I never kiss and tell. But truly, so many things ... raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Oh, wait, that's what delights Julie Andrews. As to what scares Bookie, there's only one thing ... that Bossy Lady, Sue from the Adwoff rag, that's what. She actually threatened to fire Bookie once. And Bookie was only three weeks late with her column. How rude!
Wymzee: Care to share how old you are?
Bookie: Why Bookie is ageless, dearest. Simply ageless.
Wymzee: Well, our time is up. It's been enlightening, Bookie. Tell me, if you were to be stranded on a desert island what and who would you bring along?
Bookie: Oh, such a simple question for Bookie. Moi would bring three books ... Nora's TEARS OF THE MOON, Pat Gaffney's CIRCLE OF THREE and my soon-to-be-very-good-friend Julie Garwood's HEARTBREAKER (Bookie, of course, is not expecting any bauble for this mention, no, at least nothing too big, I'm packing light) And I would take Bjorn, my brand new personal trainer and masseur, because, well, he'd know how to keep Bookie happy in any situation.
Wymzee: Yes, I'm sure he would. Thank you, Bookie. For sharing some of yourself. Perhaps we can chat again?
Bookie: Certainly. Bookie would be happy to visit again. Will your Boy be home next Friday at noon?
ADWOFF > NEWSLETTERS > EDITION #13-14 >
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